Metal Gear 2 Out Takes
by ThePrinceOfShapeir
Summary: What we don't see in Sons of Liberty. Just read it.


Metal Gear Solid 2 out takes  
(Snake is walking across the verrazano bridge)  
Snake: "."  
Director: Ok snake, this is where you throw you're cig.  
(Snake pulls cig out of his mouth, then puts it back in)  
Snake: Mmmmmm. Good.  
Director: Damnit Snake! Throw the damn cigarette!  
Snake: But it's a Marlboro!  
Director: Cut!  
(Snake is once again walking across the Verrazano bridge)  
Snake: .  
Director: SNAKE! JUST THROW THE DAMN CIGARETTE!!  
(Snake jumps off the bridge, but his cord snaps)  
Snake: Oh Shiiiiiiiiii.  
Director: Shit! Cut! Shit! Somebody get him!  
(Snake has landed on the tanker)  
Snake: This is Snake. Do you read me Otacon?  
Otacon: .  
Director: Where the hell is Otacon? Cut!  
(Same scene)  
Snake: This is Snake. Do you read me Otacon?  
Otacon: Do I actually get to be seen in the game? Can you see my face?  
Director: Cut! Yes Hal, they can see you!  
(Snake sees a soldier's shadow and presses himself up against the wall, but  
slips on the wet floor)  
Snake: Fuck!  
Director: Cut! Snake! You're supposed to be a professional!  
(Snake jumps out from behind some crates and holds up Olga)  
Snake: Freeze! Hey, I can see you're tits!  
Olga: What? (looks down at shirt)  
Olga: Hey, can we do something about this rain!  
Director: Cut!  
(Same scene)  
Snake: Freeze! Put you're hands in the air!  
Olga: You Americans, you're all the same. (Lifts up arms)  
Snake: Oh, shit! That is fucking sick! You're pits are hairier than my  
face!  
Director: Cut!  
(Same scene)  
Snake: Freeze! Put you're hands in the air!  
Olga: You Americans, you're all the same. (Lifts up arms)  
Snake: (Ducks head) Goddamnit! That is sick!  
Director: Cut! Snake, just ignore the damn pits!  
(Snake enters locker room and opens locker with pin up in it)  
Snake: ohhh, baby!  
Director: Cut! Snake, don't say anything, damnit!  
(Snake runs from a group of soldiers into the same locker)  
Director: .Snake! You've been in there for ten minutes! What are you doing?  
Snake: uh.uh.uh.yeah baby.uh  
Director: Cut! Damnit Snake! You horny bastard!  
(Snake is sneaking through hold number three)  
Marine Commander: Intruder! Ugly old bastard right behind you stupid  
marines!  
Snake: I'm not ugly you asshole!  
Director: Cut! You two resolve you're differences off the stage!  
(Ocelot just betrayed Gurlukavich)  
Gurlukavich: Damn you!  
Ocelot: (throws jacket onto camera) Shit! My bad!  
Director: Cut!  
(Same scene)  
Gurlukavich: Damn you!  
Ocelot: (throws jacket, but sleeve catches his arm) Damn this thing!  
Director: Cut! Ocelot! I told you to work on that yesterday!  
(Same scene)  
Gurlukavich: Damn you!  
Ocelot: (throws jacket in Gurlukavich's face) Whoops!  
Director: Can we get through this scene once! Please!  
(Snake accesses computer)  
Snake: Hey! I like this site!  
Director: Huh? Cut! Who was using the computer for porn!  
(Same scene)  
Snake: What the hell!  
Director: What?  
Snake: Someone has a site devoted to Olga's pits!  
Olga: (offstage) Bastard!  
Snake: Hahahaha!  
Director: Cut!  
(Raiden surfaces out of the water)  
Raiden: Colnol, I.(Fart bubbles surface)  
Director: Cut!  
(Raiden sees Vamp sucking soldier's neck)  
Raiden: !  
Vamp: Yes, I like to suck the di.er, blood.  
Raiden: You gay bastard.  
Director: Cut! Stick to the script people!  
(Pliskin offers Raiden a cigarette)  
Raiden: Thanks. (Lights up)  
Pliskin: Uhhh, right, well.damnit kid! You screwed me up!  
Director: Cut! Don't take the cigarette Raiden!  
(Raiden jumps in on Stillman)  
Raiden: Cold!  
Stillman: What?  
Director: Cut! Damn you are one stupid kid!  
(Raiden is searching the men's bathroom)  
Raiden: (Tries to open left stall) What the hell? It's locked!  
Pliskin: Buzz off kid.uh uh.daddy's takin care of.uh.uh  
Director: Cut! You sick bastard! I want to get this game done with!  
(Rose calls Raiden)  
Rose: Jack? Do you remember when we met?  
Raiden: Yeah. Last night. That was good.  
Director: (to camera men) You think that will fly?  
Camera Man: (Shakes head)  
Director: Cut!  
(Raiden is on the roof of Strut F)  
Fatman: You're right on time! I like men!  
Director: Cut! Its I like a punctual man!  
Fatman: Oh.yeah.right.  
Raiden: gay bastards everywhere.  
(Raiden is fighting Fatman)  
Fatman: (Slips and falls) Shit!  
Raiden: Die you fat bastard! (starts unloading his socom into him)  
Fatman: Ow! You can't ow! Do that! Ow!  
Director: I think we can use that!  
(The ninja jumps in front of Raiden)  
Ninja: you passed with flying colors.  
Raiden: Identify yourself!  
Ninja: .  
Raiden: you forgot you're lines, didn't you?  
Director: Cut!  
(Raiden is searching for Ames in his b.d.u.)  
Raiden: (Stops in front of woman) Mom?  
Director: Cut! You're looking for Ames, not you're mom you dipshit!  
(Same scene)  
Raiden: You're Ames, aren't you?  
Vamp: I'll be whoever you want me to be, baby.  
Director: Cut! Vamp! Get the hell out of this scene!  
Raiden: Get the fuck away from me!  
(Raiden meets the president)  
Raiden: Are you ok sir?  
Prez: I'm ready to face the consequences of my betrayal. (Smack Raiden's  
crouch)  
Raiden: (Falls on floor grasping his tool) OH FUCK!!  
Prez: Oops, might have smacked it a little hard there.  
Director: Cut! God I need a drink!  
(Raiden is swimming through the core of shell 2)  
Raiden: Oh damn, I lost my keys!( Starts searching the shell)  
Raiden: Hey, whose ducky is this?  
Director: Mine! Cut!  
(Raiden confronts Vamp)  
Raiden: Still tickin, huh?  
Vamp: I just wanted to see you again, my pet.  
Director: I like it, but STICK TO THE GOD DAMN SCRIPT!  
(Raiden open's the locker on Emma)  
Emma: (shrieks, makes a farting noise)  
Raiden: What the hell was that?  
Emma: Sorry, wrong hole.  
Director: Sick! That is friggin sick! Cut! Cut Cut Cut!  
(Same scene)  
Emma: (shrieks, wets pants)  
Raiden: Hey, I made Emma wet!  
Director: Damnit Raiden! You always screw up just when we get it right!  
(Raiden is sniping for Emma)  
Raiden: Hey Emma! Duck! (Fires PSG-1 at her)  
Emma: Ah! Shit! Bastard!  
Snake: Raiden! You're supposed to shoot the soldiers!  
Raiden: Are you kidding!? I hate that broad!  
Director: Cut! That won't work!  
(Raiden wakes up in torture room)  
Solidus: It's been a while, hasen't it? Jack the Ripper!  
Ocelot: You know this fellow?  
Solidus: Actually, we just met yesterday.  
Director: You people are all stupid! You can't do one scene right!  
(Olga walks in to torture room)  
Ocelot: A foul wind is blowing. We shall speak again.  
Olga: Not much to look at, is it?  
Raiden: Huh? Hey! Its cold in here!  
Director: Cut!  
(Same scene)  
Olga: Don't move. We're being monitored by a camera.  
Raiden: Does my cock look any bigger?  
Director: Cut! Damnit Raiden!  
(Same scene)  
Olga: Don't move. We're being monitored by a camera.  
Raiden: Can you play with my cock a little to make it look bigger?  
Director: Damnit Raiden! Stop worrying about you're cock!  
(Snake meets Raiden in the tunnel)  
Snake: It's amazing how you can run around like that.  
Raiden: Snake! Help! I've got shrinkage!  
Snake: Can't help you there.  
Director: I've had enough of this! Raiden, you're fired!  
Raiden: I've got a contract! You can't do that!  
Snake: He's right sir. Don't argue with a naked man. Write that down.  
(Fortune walks in on Snake and Raiden)  
Raiden: Fortune.  
Fortune; I've been waiting for this, Solid Snake!  
Snake: Hey baby, you make my snake solid already!  
Director: Cut! You horny sunofabitch!  
(Raiden and Solidus are on Federal Hall)  
Solidus: Jack, this is how it needs to end.  
Raiden: You're such a bitch.  
Solidus: Bite me you prick!  
Raiden: Gimme my sword and I'll probe you!  
Director: Dickheads! I'm surrounded by dickheads! Cut!  
(Raiden and Snake are standing under Federal Hall)  
Snake: By the way, what is that?  
Raiden: Dog tags?  
Snake: Anyone you know?  
Raiden: .no. I'll choose my own name. I'll be Solid Snake!  
Snake: No damn it! That's my name!  
Raiden: I like it! I want it!  
Snake: Screw you prick!  
Director: Cut! God, Kojima is going to kill me for this!  
THE END!  
Eh, not too bad, at least I think so. This was done under the heavy  
influence of caffeine, so some of the humor only I might get. Oh well, you  
win some, you lose some. 


End file.
